May Newsletter

A letter from Mr. Ririe:

Spring is always a particularly rushed affair. It’s the semester that has always, in my memories at least, flown by the fastest. For the students, it’s the semester with big projects and deadlines: thesis papers, aesthetics projects, dissections, and history debates. For parents, it’s the semester to plan for next year while still trying to survive the current one. For the teachers, it’s as busy for us as the students.

Two things come to mind when thinking of spring and BCA. The first is the importance of friendship. We have hosted several potential future students in the last weeks and one thing has stood out to these guests. They have noticed the bonds between BCA kids. When seeing the eagerness with which students greet one another in the morning, or hearing giggles and guffaws as they entertain one another in between classes with magic tricks and hijinks, or witnessing their lunchtime pass times such as Zac, Josh, Noah W., and Jason walking around outside pretending to be …. well, zombies or something (I never quite understand what they’re up to), it’s easy to see why outsiders would be interested in being a part of our unique community.

Friendship is a cornerstone to any good community, and friendship is built on mutual admiration and respect. However, friendship must be built on good and stable foundations. It cannot be simply for utility or pleasure, but genuine care. As Aristotle notes in his Nicomachean Ethics:

Perfect friendship is the friendship of persons who are good, and alike in virtue; for these wish well alike to each other [insofar as they are] good, and they are good themselves. Now those who wish well to their friends for their sake are most truly friends; for they do this by reason of own nature and not incidentally; therefore their friendship lasts as long as they are good-and goodness is an enduring thing… Love and friendship therefore are found most and in their best form between such persons. 

Aristotle considers friendship at its highest when both parties desire what is truly good. It is partly for this reason that we are called upon to contemplate upon the True, Good, and Beautiful in community and fellowship with one another. In pursuing these with one another it is possible to become great friends with one another.

Now I will come to the second thing that has come to mind this busy spring. That is the need for nature and solitary contemplation.

Luke 5:15-16 states, “But now even more the report about [Jesus] went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” (ESV)

Even Jesus had need to withdraw to solitary places and pray to God. With a spring as beautiful as the one in Boise, it is good to find time to be out in nature in divine contemplation and prayer. According to Emerson in his treatise On Nature:

To go into solitude, a man needs to retire as much from his chamber as from society. I am not solitary whilst I read and write, though nobody is with me. But if a man would be alone, let him look at the stars. The rays that come from those heavenly worlds, will separate between him and what he touches. One might think the atmosphere was made transparent with this design, to give man, in the heavenly bodies, the perpetual presence of the sublime. Seen in the streets of cities, how great they are! If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! But every night come out these envoys of beauty, and light the universe with their admonishing smile.

For myself I know that a long walk, hike or bike ride outdoors without distractions can do nearly as much as a good nights’ sleep for my soul. So, as this bustling spring-semester draws to a close and summer begins, students, parents, and teachers alike can count our blessings. We can do this by rejoicing both in the company of our friends and perhaps in the solitary refuge of an afternoon outdoors, lost in thought, enjoying the beauty of creation.

The Spring Classroom:


Latin I students are tackling person agreement on verbs at the moment — a tricky concept for an English speaker to master.  To aid them we played a ball game which involved throwing a ball back and forth with person endings taped to their chests. Each student had to say the person endings of whichever person they threw it to plus translate it into English. Both classes watched a Doctor Who episode called “The Fires of Pompeii.” They discovered the true fates of Caccillius and his family, and witnessed the epic destruction of Pompeii.


Students took oral exams, which showed how well their conversational Spanish has come along.  They are preparing for their final skits of the year as well as “playing teacher” to show what they remember from each chapter.


Algebra 2 students have been covering graphing, circles, ellipses, and hyperbolas, and discovering the potential for some cool physics applications.

In Geometry, students have been making compass art, a few of which turned out especially awesome.  They have also been covering sequences and series.


Students have been giving presentations on adaption.  They have vastly improved since the last round of presentations, particularly in their clarity and in the quality of the questions they ask.  A highlight presentation taught the class about predatory animals.


The class has moved out of the mechanics of economics and are now studying the likes of Bastiat, Rousseau, and other to understand the effects of political thought on the economy. 


The 9th graders discussed the role of duty and fate in our lives, made their own shields, and finished with a skit telling the story of Aeneas and his men — as the Chicago mafia.

The 10th graders have been working on a mural to portray part of the Aeneid.  It’s been…. interesting. 

In addition to finishing up the Aeneid, the upper classmen have been completing their thesis papers, focusing especially on learning how to develop counterarguments.


The students are finishing their thesis papers and are getting ready for their defenses.  This is coinciding well with a unit on debate, which has included lessons on signposting and framing, class debates on topics such as “Does technology make us more alone?” and a new game called, The Contender.


Students just finished the 7 Great Men and Women series, learning about some of the greatest Christian men and women who lived their lives in service of God.  They completed a timeline of the people they studied, along with their own personal heroes. 


Nearing the end of an epic unit on the Roman Empire, students are giving presentations on topics ranging from gladiators to Hadrian’s Wall.  The sanctuary is always quiet with attentive listening as the students hold each other captive with their dynamic presentations — until the quiet is inevitably broken by a shout of laughter.  The kids love laughing together!


Two experiments have been performed with great success recently.  The students made pocket rockets, vying for strategic prowess in constructing miniature matchbox rockets with a partner and pitting them against each other.  They also put chilled water on display and demonstrated the cohesive nature of water, and how it relates to the nature of electricity and currents. 


Students have been going through mini-unit overviews of various art forms, learning the theory, history, and practicing application.   Recent forms include painting (crash course in watercoloring still-life apples), music (complete with a jam session) and architecture (ending with a field trip downtown to practice sketching from 2 point perspective).  This week is dance, and next is food! 

Ask Abby...

*Dear Abby, What does the fox say? Also, what causes plot holes to form?

I have already answered the first questions. Plot holes form when the creators don't care about the details anymore and refuse to hire a decent editor. This often happens once this thing has begun to grow in popularity and profit becomes the highest priority. It also occurs when new people take over and don't understand the original creators' plan or dream. #thebookwasbetter #sequalssuck #qualityvsquantity

Dear Abby, What sound does the Jabberwock make?

Jabberwocks howl and growl.

Dear Abby, How old is the Russian Empire? Also, how many rubles are in a dollar?

The Russian Empire was founded in 1721 and was dissolved by a revolution in 1917. 1 Russian Ruble has the same value as 0.018 US Dollars. Another way of putting it is, 1 US Dollar has the same value as 56.18 Russian Rubles.

*Dear Abby, How do you pet a bunny?

I have an easy 5-step program for this. Step 1: Bring yourself down to the bunny's level. Step 2: Hold out your clean hands for the bunny to sniff. Do this until you and the bunny are acquainted. Step 3: Start by stroking the bunny's back, moving from the neck to the tail. Repeat until the bunny is comfortable. Step 4: Extend your strokes from between the ears to the tail, giving a gentle rub/scratch behind the ears when in that region. Step 5: End with a couple pats on the rump/tail-

*Dear Abby, How can I actually fall asleep at night?

You've come to the right person. I did a study on this, so I'll go ahead and list things that might help you. 1) Give up soda and/or coffee. 2) Exercise during the day. 3) Go to bed and wake up at the same time everyday. 4) Clean your room. 5) Try sleeping on the floor. 6) Turn off every light. 7) Write and/or read before bed. 8) Give up bedtime snacks and/or drinks. 9) Leave your window open or turn on a fan. 10) Don't get on your laptop, phone, etc. before bed. If none of these help, talk to your doctor about your insomnia and consider taking sleeping pills or therapy. Hope this helps!

April Newsletter

A Letter from Mr. Brandon:

The students are well aware that we are in the home stretch of school and summer is on the horizon. Students, parents, and teachers are beginning to think of summer plans: jobs, projects, and vacations! The students understandably look forward to days free from the rigors of reading epic poetry, thousands of verses long, and solving quadratic equations.

And yet, the point always comes in summer when we will look back on these days in class nostalgically, reminiscing of the sharks and books we have dissected, the artwork and the speeches we have created. Summer is a time when we can look back and appreciate all we have done. Teachers and students have the opportunity to feel a sense of accomplishment every year, a sense of finality and closure when summer arrives. Completing a year of school is not unlike playing an epic sports game, such as ultimate Frisbee, especially one that has run into overtime. The athletes are exhausted, they want nothing more than to end the game in victory. They count the seconds until the final play. Though, once the game is over, the athletes who “fought the good fight” will be rewarded with a sense of accomplishment whether they won or lost.

Paul uses a similar sports analogy for our spiritual endeavors: “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Cor. 9:25-27.)

Paul teaches that true athletes exercise self-control: the Greek word is egkrateúomai which means “ to exercise self control" – literally, "exercising dominion, from within." This athlete is one who is controlled from within, one who governs his body with authority. Paul uses some strong language to explain his point; when he says that he “disciplines” his body, the word is hypōpiázō: to strike under the eye, i.e. giving someone "a black eye." He gives himself a black eye! He has just made a reference to boxing, and he seems to be suggesting that he is training himself to withstand blows. Students may understand these blows to be difficult homework assignments, demanding projects, or even challenging relationships with classmates (or teachers). And yet, after receiving such blows, Paul can proudly say: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim. 4:7)

Our prayer is not that we avoid discipline, or even “black eyes,” but to learn from them, even rejoice in them, “knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Rom. 5:3-5).

We often have a lot of fun as we learn at BCA, there is an abundance of laughter and joyful conversations. There are also some “black eyes” and late nights as we fight a good fight and strive for the victory wreath. I believe that our students, families, and teachers will look back on this year as a victory, one that produced character and hope.

A glimpse into the classroom...

Snippets from the BCA teachers about their classes.


Dissections have started! Students have successfully dissected snakes, sharks, and rats, and are loving the hands on experience if not the odor.


The progress in physics has grown stable over the past month with the class taking more time for each module to fully understand the complex use of formulas and conversions.  The students finished designing and building their own catapults and now are starting on solar panel ovens! 


The students had a productive month in March and class has gone really smoothly.  Students are beginning preparations for their final oral exams and skits.  Many of the students have been using Spanish more in their free time, which has been helpful for them in class and has helped them become more comfortable with the language.


Shakespeare scenes were a smashing success, with students putting excellent work into memorizing lines, costumes, set, and staging. Students are working hard on their thesis papers, now in the revision stage, and are learning about how to listen for the context of an argument.


We just finished an overview of music history, while discussing why it is that music moves us so powerfully.  We took a side journey into the realm of sound science, learning about the relation between sound and movement as well as cymatics.  Students also learned basic music theory, and then put it into practice with a jam session!


Literature students finished Plato’s Republic by writing their own allegories, modeled after Plato’s allegory of the cave.  Now we are transitioning to our last epic of the year: the infamous Aeneid.

Ask Abby!

By Abigail Renk

Dear Abby, How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck’s arms are too short to chuck wood. I suppose they could try kicking it or picking it up in their mouths to toss it, but they don’t. I’m not even sure that they like chucking or wood.

Dear Abby, What are your thoughts on dabbing?

I happen to have a friend who dabs. Dabbing is fine, just as long as you don’t do it too much. Teachers can become annoyed believe it or not.

Dear Abby, Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was mindlessly pecking around for food when it found itself on the road with a truck coming, so it panicked and hurried to the other side. I have seen this happen many times, since I have a neighbor who has chickens, like me, but does not keep them penned in.

March Newsletter

Hello BCA Community,


 Welcome to the initial edition of the BCA Newsletter! We hope this will increase communication with the families in our community and allow us to share the day-to-day happenings at BCA. 

     The last few weeks we have been studying Plato’s Republic together.  It has been a challenge to sort through the dense dialectic, but the students have proven their tenacity and engaged in thoughtful conversations about what it means to be human, to seek virtue, and to live justly. 

     While these conversations have certainly been fruitful, I keep pondering Paul’s words in I Corinthians 1:19-21: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent. So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe."

     This is tricky! With such an assertion, how can we justify studying the world’s philosophers, scholars, and brilliant debaters? What good is there to be found in the endeavors of their minds?

     In Book 3 of The Republic, Socrates uses disciplined reason to conclude that God must be good, true, and beautiful. These are right conclusions, of course, but they were ideas unfamiliar to the audience he spoke to: the pantheon of Greek gods were known to be only sporadically good, true, and beautiful at best. But a divinity that was Good, True, and Beautiful by nature and necessity? It was a deeply profound suggestion, and one that arguably paved the way for the Greeks to understand the God of the Jews when they were introduced to Him centuries later through the teachings of Paul.

     So what do we do when Paul — the same Paul who taught the fertile Greek minds prepared for him by Plato — says that “God, in his wisdom, saw to it that the world would never know him through human wisdom”? Paul’s answer is that we know God because He reveals himself to us through His Spirit. Without the Spirit of God we cannot understand Him, even with the greatest human minds to guide us. It is the mind of Christ, given to us by God, that allows us to see that He is revealed through Plato or anyone else. 

     The path before us, and the path we guide our students to walk, is instructed by Paul: “Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” (Romans 12:2) As we study Plato and the other great minds throughout history, we trust that they will be used by God in his work of transforming our minds. 

    May the mind of Christ be ours, and may we know God more everyday!


Miss Manna


By Lori Hancock    

Sunday nights I set my alarm clock a bit earlier than usual.  My goal is to leave home five minutes early on Mondays since I pick up Molly and Cathleen for carpool to BCA. Unfortunately, I’m not a morning person. Even though Roger, my husband, generously makes breakfast for me, scrapes the frost off the car windshield, and feeds the chickens when he’s home, those five minutes are a thing to reckon with.

Getting my own indolent bones out the door is nothing next to the heroic efforts BCA students’ parents make every day to keep their families running in the right direction. Kudos to all Boise Classical Academy folks, teens and parents alike, for getting to classes each morning. It seems it would be a simple assignment, but I know it’s not.

    I pull into my favorite parking space (second spot, to the right of the church entrance, assuming Mrs. Jodi Miller hasn’t arrived ahead of me and snagged it!)  to find a small gaggle of early-bird boys grouped at the church entrance waiting for the first door key to arrive.

    Once the church doors are unlocked, the students stream into the dark foyer. While the staff unlocks office and classroom doors, Jake Hess hits the lights, Noah H. cranks up the heat, and Jost sets up the projector and speakers.  The students have favorite spots on the pews lining the walls of the sanctuary –BCA “lockers,” if you will – where they place their book bags. As if on autopilot, they glide to those slots and plop down their stuff for the day. I have always wondered how the kids choose their locations; once adopted, they don’t change all year long.

    At 8:45 a.m. sharp, or maybe 8:46, or 8:47 . . . I summon the students to Morning Assembly.  Our morning gatherings are modest but useful affairs. Not unlike a family meeting around the dining table, we touch on announcements regarding the week, share news, congratulate and commiserate accordingly, etc. After business is attended to, I present the students with a suitable homily  – anything from a humorous story to a Bible verse to an inspiring YouTube video. And then we close in prayer.

   BCA has its own version of  “It’s not over until the fat lady sings.” We call it, “No dismissal from assembly until Mr. Ririe yells, ‘Scamper off, ye!’” I kid you not. Early last year this somehow became a sacred ritual. No matter how thoroughly finished with assembly we are, until Mr. Ririe can be rousted from the print room or office - or wherever he might be lurking - and holler out the Scamper directive, the students will not budge from their seats.  A few weeks ago he stayed home to recover from an injury, this precipitated a petite crisis, as we couldn’t quite figure out how to get the day started!

   It is one of my joys to see the students happily greet one another each morning. It is gratifying to watch them dig in their bags for their necessary books and wander off to first period with an air of amiable contentment in the company of their comrades, ready to start the day in mind and spirit. At this point, resentment towards my faithful alarm clock is long banished from my mind. My heart is glad I got up and out the door, and I’m glad all the BCA parents and students did too.

Ask Abby! 

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By Abby Renk

*Dear Abby, What question should I ask?

That is an excellent question! Ask Abby was designed to give advice to anonymous students in need, but I also accept other queries that would be enjoyable to read in the newspaper. I appreciate respectful questions, but besides that you can enter requests for advice, riddles, a pun/joke, or anything funny. You are also encouraged to sign under a false name. By respectful questions, I mean school appropriate or related topics that do not normally name and never seriously make fun of another student or teacher. Thank you once again for asking!

*Dear Abby, Where is point c?

The location of point C may vary from problem to problem.

*Dear Abby, Wut?


Precisely! The long road to pondering something begins by asking the simplest questions! Well done! Also, I wrote down the name you signed, only as read left to right. Up-and-down take up too much space. Sorry.

*Dear Abby, What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

I am not certain if I have ever had a Klondike Bar before, so I do not know what lengths I would go for it.


'One Night With The King'

A movie review by sophomore Trinity Nalls

The movie is set in Susa, Persia. The King Xerxes is holding a feast for all of the royal people. He asks for his wife to come and dance before the guests, because he wants the guests to see her beauty. When the queen refuses, King Xerxes is advised to banish her and select a more worthy queen.

All beautiful virgin women in the stronghold of Susa are brought in so Xerxes could leave behind a queen to keep the kingdom unified.

Hadassah is living a normal life with her uncle Mordecai but when the king send guards to capture Hadassah, she changes her name to Esther so as not to reveal her nationality.  She is taken in with the rest of the selected women and given cosmetics, perfumes, and treatments under the care of Hegai, the king’s royal eunuch.

On their night with the king, each contestant is allowed to bring along whatever she wishes from the harem. She goes in the evening and returns in the morning to a second harem to another royal eunuch who is custodian to the concubines. She will not be able to return to the king unless she pleases him and he summons her by name. During their preparation, Hegai discovers Esther can read and listens to her reading to the other contestants.

Late one night, he brings her to King Xerxes to read to him. She starts reading from the assigned scroll and then begins telling the love story of Jacob and Rachel (from the Old Testament). When Esther had made the switch, King Xerxes was amused and impressed and when he dismissed her, he told her that she should one day read to him again.

Because of this, Esther fell in love with the king. When it is Esther's turn for her 'one night with the king', she wins the king's favor by revealing her heart to him. He chooses her and crowns her queen.

At the same time, Haman the Agagite is promoted to the highest-ranking official. But when he has everyone kneel before him, Mordecai refuses, declaring he will only kneel before God and the king. He announces himself before Haman to be a son of Abraham, a Jew. Haman, filled with hatred, vows to destroy Mordecai and all his people because centuries earlier, Jews persecuted his forefathers.

Esther discovers the plot and breaks protocol by going before the king without being summoned, risking her life to plead for her people. The king lowers his scepter to her and spares her life out of his love for her. Afterwards, Esther invites Haman and Xerxes to a banquet and there she reveals her nationality and Haman’s plot to kill the Jews.

The film generally sticks to the main plot of the Biblical version. However, the film adds extra elements not really present in the Bible, as well as adding several minor characters not mentioned in the bible. Instead of sticking to the bible for facts, this movie actually created its own scene to show the audience what might have happened.  For example, the build-up to the climax focuses mainly on Haman and his plot to destroy the Jews, and Esther is hardly featured until chapter 6. In the movie, Esther is in every scene, and it is Haman who receives very little screen-time until the last third of the film.

Even though the characters look like they would belong in the bible, Xerxes looks like a cat. This is information crucial for you to understand the entire story.

November News Letter


BCA students were presented with opportunities to serve the Church of Christ community, which we joyfully jumped at.  The following pictures show how much fun they had.  Gratitude motivating beyond the basics, BCA students have pitched in with yard clean-up on the Northside of building; getting it ready for future community gardens & a relaxing/de-stress spot.  Also taking on various cleaning tasks, the BCA House groups divided to conquer dirty windows, floors, kitchen/fellowship area, dust bunnies & garbage detail... woooooooh!  THE FUN NEVER STOPS! 

 Proof many Hands make light work!!

Proof many Hands make light work!!

Interview with Mitch Jones about going to the Navy seals by Shannon Laframboise.

1. Why do you want to serve?

Because I value American values and want to defend them. I want to protect the values our country was built on.

2. Why the Navy seals specifically?

Because the navy has better career options/opportunities, and seals because I always wanted to be Special Forces.

3. How long do you think you’ll serve?

Probably six years. My contracts says four years but if I re-enlist I get a giant bonus.

4. What exactly does being a Navy seal mean, or what do you do?

You are special operations which means any tasks that need to be done stealthily or with a small specialized team is handed to the seals. So that can be anywhere from assassinating terrorists or corrupt government leaders to completely over hauling foreign governments.

5. What are you most excited for?

Phase 3 of BUDS which is like specialists training

6. What are you not most exited for?

Phases 1 and 2 of BUDS. Because that’s where they drown you and try and kill you and make you quit. Yea they’ll chain you to the bottom of a pool. That’s where I get to not freak out when I’m at the bottom of a pool and I can’t move.

7. What’s the steps/process to becoming a Navy seal?

In July when I ship out I’ll go to eight weeks of basic training which will be the same basic training that every other naval personnel goes through. After that I’ll go to BUDS preschool or pre-training for another eight weeks. That’s pretty much just them getting me ready for Buds. Showing me a little bit of what BUDS is going to be like, kind of making sure that this is still what I want.

Phase one, basically what they’re going to try and do is they’re going to try and kill you. But it’s so hard that everyone is on the same level. No one is stronger than anyone else but you’re all on the same level and your muscles are in complete shock. And then they will build you up little by little.

Phase two is your water training so that’s where you are going to learn how to dive, where you’re going to learn how to swim properly, where they’re going to chain you to the bottom of the pool, where they’re going to essentially water board you because one of the things they do is they make you sit on the beach for 24 hours with the tide coming in and out. You just have to sit there with your whole seal unit and try and not freak out when the tide is coming in and it goes above your head and you can’t breathe at all pretty much for a couple seconds.

Phase 3 is the training where you’re going to be a specialist whether you are a sniper, an explosive expert or a part of a dive team that will be your specialized training. You’re going to pretty much learn how to be a professional assassin.

8. Do you think you will change and if so who do you hope to change into?

It will definitely change me in a lot of ways. I think the positive ways, just the determination and dedication first and for most. Second, a new respect for service men and women and our country and the things that people had to go through to make our country what it is. Overall a respect.

9. Is it kind of a terrifying feeling?

It is. I am freaked out. I have slept terribly I’m so stressed out. That’s ok, it’s good though. I’ll get to seal school and I’ll be even more stressed out so this is like preparation. Yea it’s terrifying.

10. Do you have a hero?

Chris Kyle. The movie “American Sniper” was based off of him. He is the man behind the legend. Just a regular guy from Texas and after 9-11 he decided he needed to serve his country and he was like 35 years old which is really old for a seal. But he made it through basic training and has the most confirmed kills in the United States sniper history. Even after he came back home he would help veterans with PTSD and take them to the shooting range which is ultimately how he was killed. So he’s one of my heroes for just persevering, pushing through and always trying to do the right thing.

My performance of the song "Day One" from the Interstellar soundtrack composed by Hans Zimmer. This is the PandaTooth's arrangement, not mine.

Sheets: ----------------- ThePandaTooth's performance: -------------------------- Here are the clips I used: 1. 2. 3.

 Mr. Brandon's Pic of the Week

Mr. Brandon's Pic of the Week

Ask Abby

Dear Abby, What color is the wind?

The ‘colors of the wind’ are open mindedness towards learning or understanding a different culture, person, idea, etc.

Dear Abby, What are your thoughts on dabbing?

I happen to have a friend who dabs. Dabbing is fine, just as long as you don’t do it too much. Teachers can become annoyed believe it or not.

Dear Abby, Biology Test? Why?

Yes. Because it is important for you to be able to memories things and definitions as well as understand concepts. Test have stood the test of time to tell if a student is doing well or not. Also, it makes Mr. Wiersma happy.

Dear Abby, Are you a cereial killer?

If you meant serial: No. If you want to find one, try the internet.

If you meant cereal: Yes, especially when it comes to Raisin Bran or Cheerios.

Dear Abby, Where’d my pencil go?

If you’re missing your pencil try looking behind your ear, in your hand, in your backpack, in the sanctuary, in your friend’s hand, in your friend’s backpack, or even in the lap of the creepy baby doll.

Dear Abby, Is Jason Mature? Of course not. Explain why.

There are two main things wrong with this question. First, you are trying to force your opinion onto someone else without proving it yourself first. Second, you are focusing on someone else’s maturity rather than your own. Work on your own maturity and let Jason work on his.

Dear Abby, The world will explode in 2020. How and what are your tips for surviving the apocalypse?

You won’t have to survive after the world explodes.

Dear Abby, How do you like to make toast?

When I’m just eating bread, I do not toast it or put anything on it. However, my bread always must be toasted for a sandwich or something like that. I have two preferred methods for toasting. The first is in a pan of butter and garlic. The second way is over a fire, like when you go camping. Good luck with your toast!

Dear Abby, Does the illuminati rule the world? Do they even exist? Pls help.

Of course I’ll help. No, the illuminati does not rule the world, but I suppose they could if they wanted seeing as they have much hidden power in every country. Yes, they do exist, but we do not know how many they are or where they are.

Dear Abby, What dummy wrote this?

Dear Abby, Who wrote this? I did! Who am I?

Dear Abby, Who the heck wrote this one?

All of these were written in different handwritings with different pens and pencils. You are all boys, and this is made obvious by the over-style of it. I’m sorry, but I won’t be answering this question.

Dear Abby, Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was mindlessly pecking around for food when it found itself on the road with a truck coming, so it panicked and hurried to the other side. I have seen this happen many times, since I have a neighbor who has chickens, like me, but does not keep them penned in.

Dear Abby, How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck’s arms are too short to chuck wood. I suppose they could try kicking it or picking it up in their mouths to toss it, but they don’t. I’m not ever sure that they like chucking or wood.

Dear Abby, The best questions ever.

You may have ripped up the post-it-note into small pieces, but I was able to put it back together. Ask Abby-1, Abby Asker-